So I taught my friend how to drive auto tonight

"sm70- why not Duesenberg?" (sm70-whynotduesenberg)
11/05/2014 at 23:08 • Filed to: None

Or, should I say, I tried to teach her. No, she doesn't normally drive stick. She's just what we tend to call a bad driver. I pulled up next to her at a light, and we were talking and whatnot, and she says, "Oh, we should totally race!". I revved the engine a little, and she goes, "WOAH, how'd you do that? That's what cars do before they race, right?" I tell her to switch the lever to "N" (she wouldn't have known what I meant if I said neutral) and rev up. Apparently, these instructions were not clear enough. She did find the N, but she had no clue what it did, and she pressed neither the gas nor the brake. The engine did not rev, obviously, and the only sounds were me laughing my ass off and her having a mini panic attack as her Mazda6 rolled away. Backwards.

Yes, this girl has a driver's license.

DISCUSSION (38)

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:10

I think an intervention is needed here.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:12

Yes, this girl has a driver's license.

Can we take it away somehow?

Kinja'd!!!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:13

I have a friend like that. He also didn't know that driving sideways was actually possible. A trip down a gravel road had him in the fetal position and knowing it was possible. Good times, good times.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
11/05/2014 at 23:15

I have asked her, repeatedly, to give me a quick phone call or text at least 10 minutes before she drives anywhere so I can get to a safe place. She hasn't done that.

Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:15

#DarwinAwaits

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/05/2014 at 23:15

God I hope so. She's kind of a menace to society.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ
11/05/2014 at 23:16

If she doesn't Darwin someone else first.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:17

Even off the road?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/05/2014 at 23:20

Not as much, but yeah.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:23

Can we deport her to New Mexico?? That's the most random state that comes to mind, she'll be safe there.

Or at least Nebraska??

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/05/2014 at 23:38

We could send her to Neb...

Wait a minute.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:39

You paused for a second...Why?

Please don't tell me...

Birddog > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:51

Don't forget to teach her about the 710 cap.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:51

it's like the people who buy a performance car without knowing how to unlock performance abilities.

ly2v8-Brian > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/05/2014 at 23:53

He's a 'husker bro

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > ly2v8-Brian
11/05/2014 at 23:55

ABORT PLAN!! -_-

Send her to Idaho! Nothing I know of happens there.

KirkyV > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/05/2014 at 23:56

I tried to drive an auto once. I could never shake the feeling that it was going to propel me, unbidden, into the car in front. And it seemed hell-bent on denying me any time in the power band... And I kept punting the firewall with my foot whenever I came to stop.

(I'm from Europe. It's different here.)

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/06/2014 at 00:01

Yup.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
11/06/2014 at 00:03

It's more like people who buy a performance car and don't know how to start it.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > KirkyV
11/06/2014 at 00:04

You just have to keep your foot on the brake when you're not moving.

KirkyV > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 00:08

I realise. It just makes me uncomfortable; it's like the car has a mind of its own.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 00:11

this comment. you made my night.

and SERIOUSLY?

that's bad...

Übel > KirkyV
11/06/2014 at 00:58

The worst for me is the instinct to step on the clutch, since that occasionally manifests as me stomping on the first pedal my left foot finds.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 01:09

Maybe you should convince her that she needs to clean out the inside of her engine with water, ya know, before she kills someone.

Dsscats > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/06/2014 at 01:10

My brother's in New Mexico.

It's already shit.

Send her there, she can't do any more harm.

KirkyV > Übel
11/06/2014 at 01:11

Oh, yeah, that'd be nasty. I wasn't in it long enough for any impromptu emergency stops, thankfully.

Jordaneer, The Mountaineer Man > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
11/06/2014 at 02:09

NOOO, I LIVE IN IDAHO!!! as long as its the rural southeastern wasteland, its fine with me, better yet, why not Wyoming?

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 03:53

"Sooo that's what the sports knob does"

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > Jordaneer, The Mountaineer Man
11/06/2014 at 07:07

Yes, Wyoming. Nobody lives there aside from cows.

abzman > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 08:03

I am rethinking my desire for a white car right now, and I haven't liked convertibles but..... sorry, '57 Pontiacs tend to distract me. I am not at all surprised that someone with a driver's license in the US has no idea what 90% of the car is for.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > KirkyV
11/06/2014 at 08:17

I suppose I could see that, but having grown up driving an auto I'm used to it.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > abzman
11/06/2014 at 08:19

Our standards and requirements for getting a license are abysmally low.

abzman > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 08:29

I see the problem as being people think of driving a car as a 'right' that you're trying to take away as soon as you say they're not qualified to do it. I don't want to make this terribly political, but putting the burden on the prospective driver to learn how cars work, how to deal with certain situations, and actually be able to drive competently seems reasonable to me. No, you don't have to be able to tell the difference between a '55 and '56 Chevy from 100 yards away, but at least know what all the buttons in your car do.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 08:46

Consider it a public service announcement then.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > abzman
11/06/2014 at 08:46

Agreed. It's not a right, it's a privilege.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
11/06/2014 at 09:22

So... she put it in neutral and thought it would rev on its own...?

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > KirkyV
11/06/2014 at 09:46

Haha...I got to see someone learning to drive auto for the first time once. We were visiting family in Italy, we had rented an Opel minivan thing (I don't remember what it was) that was auto. We were driving in Palermo with my dad's cousin in another vehicle following us...we stopped and they switched who was driving what car so his cousin would be in front. First he asked how to shift it into gear, did that then tried letting out the brake slowly as he got on the gas, the car lurched forward, he slams on the brakes, and does this 2 or 3 more times before we tell him just to let the brake go before touching the gas. For first mile or so he would randomly hit the brake really hard trying to put the clutch in.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
11/06/2014 at 10:06

Precisely. That or she just did not know what to do to make it rev.